Well i know ive mentioned a time or two about meeting with the Missionaries. Did i ever say exactly that they are Mormon? I cant remember. I know that there are other religious missionaries out there…
But im running into a problem. Actually several. There are alot of rules, most of them are second nature for me anyway. But some are a bit harder…
I cant tithe. I dont make any money personally. So i cant take from my husbands money. That is the money he earns. I dont get an allowance, if i make anything online, i spend that on myself. Otherwise my husband buys things for me. But to me, its still his money. I cant take that without his permission. You all might not understand that but we have an…” old fashioned” relationship i guess would be the word. In a way we fall very much into the Mormon faith in that aspect. The man is the man of his house.
The Sunday Fasting, Once a month you are asked to Fast and then contribute the money you would have spent on meals to the Church. Again with not controling the money, and i dont know if i could really go 2 meals without food or drink.. including water.
Here is the big one. I cant go to church every sunday. In fact i might only be able to go once a month. I couldent go last week because i was super sick and wasnt up to it. Today Tony is going to work. My baptism is set for next Sunday and i dont know how i feel about not being able to go. I start feeling guilty and bad about it. I dont know what to do. Its not raining at the moment but its only about 45 degrees out there and its 2 miles walk to the church. Which isnt bad, its in the middle of Town, near the schools. But even so. It would take me 2 hours to get there with the kids. Tony wont push back work untill noon to go to sacrament. And i feel just guilty as hell, for not going, and for calling the family who has been helping us through this for a ride. They have kids of their own….
I dont know what to do. I feel terrible. I dont know if i can really do this, if im ready for this.
Tony dosent want to. He is going for my sake. But i cant make him go every Sunday.. And i cant make him stay for the whole thing. I feel comfortable there, but maybe i need to keep my faith at home and just go when I can? But is it right to be baptized knowing i cant be involved full time? See thats wherei start feeling guilty. I cant do it full time. Its not the 3 hours a week that is asked. Its my husband.
I wish i could go to Church and talk with someone about this. I could call for a ride but i dont have Conners carseat…. So that wouldent work too. I guess im just going to have to feel guilty…. Well i need to get going, the kids are clamoring for cheese….