Lots of Contractions!

ive been having lots of contractions lately. My body is really gearing up for the real thing with all the practice runs lol.
Im actually kind of grateful that i do have the practice runs, because i know that it just gets me ready for labor.
Which is coming up sooner then i keep thinking. Im only 6 weeks from my Due Date. But we are going to try and get this baby out and moving a wee bit early.
im almost ready for him. I have a decent supply of cloth diapers. I do need one pack of mini disposables for the first week. Meconium poo is not fun to clean out! I also need to pick up the carseat, which wont be an issue, gotta pay our bills first. I have tons of clothes and i picked up a bouncy chair and a portable swing at some garage sales last week. I allready have one wrap carrier, but im going to buy a didy here soon. ive been lusting over them for 2 years, i will get one this time! also have a pack and play, going to try really hard to keep this baby outta my bed… HA HA i laugh. Keepthe baby out of my bed hehe.
Anyway, im excited because its sooo close to end time. i just want it to move by faster!!! The last few weeks always take the longest.

Anyways lots of freebies going on on my scrapping blog, so be sure to check them out. www.serenityscrapping.wordpress.com

DPP V.S. Adobe Lightroom

I usually dont use lightroom. ACK Scream, bring on the burning torches. I have Adobe Lightroom installed and i NEVER use it! Scandal right… lol. Usually i use DPP the RAW processor that came with my camera. I actually like its output. On my screen the photos look amazing. But i wanted to try something. Here are two photos. The first, using DPP and my typical editing which takes 30 seconds per photo. The second, with Lightroom, which can take up to 5 minutes per photo, depending on how much i adjust each level in the photo, instead of having red blue and green levels, they that a whole range of colors you can adjust indevidually. So DPP And A.L.

I like both outcomes, DPP gives me more of a red cast to the photos, the skin tones ect are very reddish on my monitor. I think it has to do with being able to edit every other color except red and orange on A.L. So that the photos look much better…. Its harder and takes longer, but the pictures look so much better IMO…. :/ Hrmmm

My second Beautiful son

Sometimes its hard to think of little boys as beautiful. But mine really are. Big beautiful eyes, Wonderful personalities ( most of the time)

Conner is no exception. Total mamas boy, cheesy as can be, happy go lucky little daredevil of a two year old.

here is my second beautiful boy.

My first beautiful son

I have 2.8 beautiful sons. When baby “S” is born, i will have three beautiful sons. And i love remembering every moment of their lives.

This is my first beautiful son, Brennan. Just turned 5, independent, creative, imaginative, energetic and oh so loving!

A little more stress… yes please

Tony told me yesterday that he is expected to go out of town on August 12th for work. Its not a day trip. They are building a house, from the outside in. I mean all of it. Minus the plumbing and elctricty wiring. They are doign the framing, the carpentry and the finish carpentry.

Normally i would be thrilled for this job. I mean, yeah its a great job. Its a job that is going to last for probably 3 months.  The hard outdoors carpentry is going to take place in August and September, when its still warm, and the inside stuff is going to take place in the colder October to november if need be. When they are inside and warm!

Great job right….

Only its about 100 miles from the house. In a way where they were planning on staying there during the week, then come home for Saturday through Monday.

If  you havent seen the problem yet… My EDD is August 13th -18th… And i have a history of two overdue by 2 week babies.

I dont drive, and even if i did, Tonys truck is the vehical that pulls the trailer that carries all the tools and all the supplies. It might be a family vehical in its down time, but its a work truck 5 days out of the week lol. And he has to have that for this job. I dont drive due to anxiety attacks bwhen i try. Full on panic attack if i have to drive. In an emergency i could probably manage. In labor, managing 2 kids and driving. I would probably freak out and never make it out of my house lol.

Its not possible to put off the work trip. He has a 2 week vaccation, from the end of July to the begining of August * the 12th * because his stepfather, and boss, is seeing his brother. Who is coming to Alaska for his last vaccation. Terminal liver cancer due to drinking non stop for 20 years. So my Step- FIL is going to be out of town and Tony is on ” vaccation” although he has a side job, about 3 blocks from the house, building a greenhouse for a little old lady, so he will be close. But when Mike gets back, he is going to work, either tony is there on day one, or tony isnt working at all. No having a baby, isnt good enough reason to avoid going to work. Mike dosent care about family, specially his wifes sons wife.  He hates me, i dislike him. I dont like alcaholics…. not at all.

So we have been trying to come up with ideas.

The first, is not my fav. Go stay with my mom.

Why this is a bad idea. I clash with my stepfather if im near him for more then a day or two. Big time clash, Lots of fights. She also has my 13 ( tomarrow) year old sister, who has a broken leg, and isnt going to be healed in August because shes an idiot and likes to walk on her foot. She also has my brother, who just got out of jail for a DUI, and was kicked out of his house while in jail, and HIS friend and roomate, living with her right now. And who knows how long that will be. My mom talks to me alot. So i know the fincial strain she is under, with having to pay out of pocket to replace my sisters cast every 2 weeks, the x rays, some of her own medical issues, she is precancerious in her uterus. And issue with my stepfather. So i really DONT want to stay there. Plus i want my husband with me when i have the baby.

next. Stay home and call my mom when i go into labor.

Why this is a bad idea. My last labor was 2.5 hours long, Start to finish long. My mom took about an hout of that time getting ready to take me to the midwife because she thought we had time. Showering ect. My first labor was 9 hours, insanely short for a first time mom. My moms labors were 5 hours for me, 3 hours for my brother and 6 hours for an Induced labor with my sister. My grandmothers labors were also very short and got shoter with each baby. She had 8.  So if my last labor was only 2.5 hours long and this one goes quicker…. and my mom  took an hour or should i say, DOES take an hour to wake up and get moving …. i dont know if i have time to get to the hospital. Its about 20 miles away. Maybe a bit farther.

Call an Ambuliance…

Who wants to call the paramedics with 2 kids, no one to watch them, then go to the hospital and deliver alone worried about where your kids are the whole time…

This one was brought up by other people. Call friends.

I dont have any. I live in a small town in Alaska. All my friends from school moved away. I dont have the resourses to make friends.

Hire a babysitter.

There is no one i know, much less trust. I dont even trust my siblings to watch my kids for any length of time. How am i supposed to trust a stranger. The only one who watches my boys is my parents, and my inlaws will watch Brennan but not Conner… :/

Honestly my thoughts are on being induced at the end of July….

Why im thinking this.

Well Tony will be in town for those 2 weeks. Which means ill not be home alone with a newborn and 2 boys, he would be there when the baby is born. AND  Because BRennan and Conner were 10 lbs and 11.5 lbs, being induced 2 weeks early would make sure the baby is not overly large.

Course downside to being induced is, the doc might not like the idea, it might not put me into labor and ill end up with a c section or something akin to that. Complications ect…

Its alot to think about. I really want Tony to be there. It would be so nice if he could just put off going to work untill i had the baby. But its just not possible. If i go into labor while he is gone, call my mom, hope she isnt at work * one of her jobs is in the next town over, about 45 miles away, where my doc lives and works, the other is about 20 miles in the other direction* if shes at work, transport might be an issue. I can call tony, but he would have to drive out from his jobsite, which is an hour drive to our house, then 20-30 to the hospital.

So you see, its alot to think about. I have an OB appointment on Tuesday, so ill bring it up to him then. I need to get this figured out…. Im just worried about it right now. :/

Lenses

My kids have been driving me crazy all day. So im tuneing them out by spending time online and researching some new camera lenses.

I stopped doing any kind of work when i moved into the condo. But i also got pregnant and got really sick and tired too lol so i dont mind taking some time off. But that dosent stop me from wanting to get back into the swing of things in a few months. In fact i got a job offer 2 days ago. A body paint artist asked if i would do his portfolio shoot. and while i would be willing, i dont have the gear or setup to do a studio shoot. I do natural lighting, with minor fill flash * if needed*. SO i turned him down. Maybe eventually ill buy a setup for studio type shoots, lights and whatnot but not interested now.

Right now, what i am interested in is getting a good lens setup. Its not as simple as just picking a lens out and calling it goo. Lenses can be expensive. VERY expensive. In fact, a cheap lens is around 300ish, the good lenses are in the $1200 range and the best lenses… well you can imagine they get pretty far up there. Im looking at the good lens range, but am really cringing at the price point. At this point, im looking at a lens mostly to take photos of the kids and the occasion shoot i might do. Chances are, im never going to really hit it big in photography. Im pretty good. But its a small town and there are quite a few good photographers in the area.

Right now the lens of the moment is this one.

The canon 24-70 F2.8 L series. The cheapest i can find it online is about $1200 but oh this lens is making me DROOL!  I know Tony would be very willing to streach his neck out and get that lens for me, but the truth of the matter is. I wont be willing to spend that kind of money on a lens unless im working with it enough to jusitfy the cost.

Alot of my problem in looking for lenses, is im looking at the L series glass. The top of the line, more expensive, better quality, and good output lens. I have the same issue when looking at bodies too. I want to upgrade my body, but its not a justifiable cost unless im working it. Not just photographing my kids.

I have to constantly remind myself to slow down and look at lenses in my price range. Get something that does good clear photos without breaking the bank. Right now in the more decent price range that i am willing to go to, im looking at the 85mm prime. Im used to working with my 50mm prime. The 85 will get me in closer, but if i go that route, i also will need a wider angled lens. More in the 20 or 24 range as well.

Oh look i just found a cheaper lens, its a 17-85 mm, the range i want, for about $500, which means the quality isnt top knotch but its in my price range. What i DONT like about it, is what i DO like about the L series. The F stop is only 4. My 50mm is 1.8, most of the zooms im looking at are 2.8. Which means they are faster in low light and dont need a high ISO or a flash to shoot in the house… Right now, in good light, near a big window. I just stopped my cameras f stop to 4.0 at 50 mm because its a prime. My first shot was with ISO 100 and it was blurry and slow. I had to jack up my ISO to 800! Ill shoot as high as 400 in the house. But 800! Thats insane! Course my on camera flash can help fill but my off camera unit works better, But the point of having a DSLR for me, is not needing the flash…. So this lens would only do me any good really outside…. It does have internal stablization which means i could probably shoot at ISO 400 and get a clear shot, but is that 100%….. i dont know. i cant test out the lens myself. Sadly.

I dont know. i do need a decent zoom range lens with wide angle… and i cant let myself break the bank…. Ill just have to keep looking.

Frustrations and fears

Ive had two children vaginally. My first was a hard delivery probably made more complicated by doctors. My second was a much larger baby but a much easier delivery. Much quicker.

My honest biggest fear isnta complication so much as a c section. Im very terrified of neeing surgery to deliver a child.

Im not stupid and ive done this a couple of times before so i know how labor and delivery works. But here i am stupidly watching a baby show about delivery and listening to them feed her a bunch of crap. Its like they just lead people to having c sections. Here i am, ive spent hours researching labor and delivery, and im so stressed that they are going to push me into something that isnt really needed and that i dont want.

I really hope that Tony is up for the challenge of standing up to docs wanting to do when i know i can do this just fine on my own. I can do it, ive done it before.

Im not speaking of disregarding a c section for the need of the baby. Like a heartreate issue or something. But saying my baby is too big is bull. Conner was over 11 lbs. There is no, the baby is too big for my hips.

Though i have to say, watching a woman give birth with an epidural * and listnening to Conner mimic it lol* is interesting. Having the natural childbirths, unmedicated, i screamed and shouted through my deliveries. I know how to scream so its effective and not a waste of energy. But its odd watching a woman give birth outsit making any kinds of sounds….

I dont know. im actually considering an epidural this time. Someone told me that im trying to make a marter out of myself by refusing an epidural or pain meds. I ” dont need to be a hero” I allready ” prooved” i could do it. Why not make it easier. But evertything i read dosent say it makes it easier, Ive read so much on the complications. Not to mention my own failed epidural that i did have up in and it caused some really crappy side effects. Terrible back pain even now 5 years later, and headaches.

Sigh. Im rambling and not making much sense am i….

I want things to go simple and easy, as they have in the past. If i knew i was going to be met with complications and stupid pushy people at the hospital… i would rather give birth in my bathtub. My neighbor is an EMT, ill just send Tony over when im too far to consider moving lol. Go get the neighbor. Or do it myself.

Even though thats not what i want.

Its kinda funny how, no matter how many kids you have, or how many times you have been in labor, you still are afraid of things…..

I would rather tear then be cut, i would rather have a quick childbirth over a c section. I would rather go into labor naturally over an induction although i dont want to go past 40 weeks again. Being pregnant for 42 weeks, twice is more then i want to deal with. I dont want another 11 lb baby, which is why im on a very strict diet and manage my calorie and carb intake.

i know that wants dont add up when it comes to what is best for hte baby. I just hope that when the time comes, i know what is best and not what im pressured into doing. :/

Layouts

While a good 85% of my layouts are made for my creative team designers. I do often do speed scraps and challenges at the Stuff to Scrap and Brownie Scraps forums. Here are some of my more recent fun layouts that dont involve a creative team

Hope you all have a great day!

Happy second birthday Conner

Conner is now 2 years and 5 hours old.

My super fatty 11.5 lb baby is now a 30 lb talking 2 year old. Thank heavens on the talking we thought it would never start lol. 2 years passed by so quickly. Its surprising how fast those two years passed. How much he changed.

Things like we thought he would never talk, even starting to worry about it. but now he says everything, in just 2 weeks he went from not talking at all, just ehing at everything to a full blown language explosion. Even repeting words you DONT want him to, like shit and fuck lol. And potty training. He is doing very well, if he is diaper less * and even sometimes a diaper on* he screams pee pee and runs for the toilet. Getting him to poo there… a big harder of a task, hes happy to go wherever he sits. Not good. But we can work on it.

hes very compassionate. If you are upset, he wants to hold you, if you cry, you must get a hug. Hes very clingy and always wants to be with me. Hes very assertive and a big risk taker. He iwll jump off of anything. And No is his favorite word. His favorite food is broccoli. He loves the color red and yellow and will choose whatever is red and yellow over anything else hehe. Hes also my fruit a holic and eats all the fruit he can.

Well. We are having birthday photos done later this week, and soon after that, ill be doing their summer portraits for the walls. But untill then, Here are some of Conner last night. 2 now and so big.

( just ask him)

Saying cheese

Well im off to make him some breakfast.

Potty training day….

Ugh its only been a couple of days??? Seems like forever. again with peeing in the toilet like a champ! Its the poos that get us! Most kids i hear about potty training, want a diaper to go poo. Not my son. He is content to go wherever he wills.
He is doing so great at peeing. Never even wants to use his potty chair. Just wants to use the toilet. And he is doing fantastic.
I think what we need are undies that fit him better. maybe get him so cloth diapers instead, ones that snap on and he cant take off as easy. Or better yet, PINNED ON! No seriously, as gross as it sounds, its worse to have to clean up the messes every night. I can understand why some people think its EASIER to leave a child in diapers untill they are 3 or older… Here i am trying to potty train an almost 2 year old and its very frustrating.. I know it will pass. but darn its a mess in the meantime. :/